What the fuck is my purpose?
'I don't know what my purpose is?'
I hear this a lot.
My purpose was under my nose; My purpose is to help you find your purpose.
Your purpose can be hidden in some of the most frustrating of places.
Unearthing your inner wisdom to hear your purpose isn't about having the light bulb idea on how to make 'LOADSA MONEY'. I use to think every idea I had had to be monetised. It was the way my thinking worked.
It's no surprise then because I used money as the driver, my ideas didn't float, because they didn't deeply feel true to me. I just couldn't hear this at the time. So I kept chasing my tail.
My conditioning was, you have to do shit stuff even if you don't like it and then it will take flight. Perhaps this way does work for many, but for me it kept me in a constant state of stress, fear, lack, frustration, ungratefulness. I was not trusting of life.
So where do you find your purpose? Under a rock? A rock ladened with everybody else's weighted down ideas of how to live your life.
Well kinda. It is not always where you 'think' it 'should' be.
As kids we more than likely had a pure purpose we felt within ourselves. I look to Gerry Durrell for this. Gerry loved animals, and thanks to the wisdom of his mother who took him out of school, he was able to indulge himself in all things nature. Perhaps this is why he created the worlds most nurturing 'zoo' for animals. He had lived and breathed all he could when it came to the natural world. Despite not being able to write and spell at a young age he went on to write the most magical books.
If you are of a 'creative' mind you will more than likely have lost yourself in education rather than found yourself.
When people tell me they (think) they can't write. I say, perhaps not to the tick box standards, but that doesn't mean you can't write. I was traumatised by my experiences of writing, fearing criticism of those around me. For years I tried to write how I thought I was suppose to. Until I stopped and reset and discovered my OWN way. My way connected with people I want to connect with. Not those I was trying to impress when at school or when employed.
For me since being a kid my purpose was to 'help others'. So I did. I did all I could to help everyone else. The one person I didn't help was me. I also wouldn't accept any help. Until one day I heard a whisper;
'Why do you think everyone else wants your help when you know how it feels when people try and help you.'
This shook my core. 'But my purpose is to help.'
At this point I had had over 6 months of therapy and was beginning to unravel the 'help' situation.
I booked myself on to a counselling workshop, to learn more in-depth to explore further and learn more about myself.
On the first day an analogy was given about the oxygen masks on aeroplanes. 'Who do you put the mask on first?' Nearly everyone said the person next to them.
WRONG. You will be dead!
If you don't breathe first you will not be able to help others. DING DING DING DING DING
There it was. 'HELP YOU FIRST, BEFORE HELPING OTHERS'
This was an absolute revelation to me. I had always believed you help others before you help yourself. Especially when it comes to passing the mint chocolate matchsticks around.
To fulfil my purpose of 'helping others' I had to help me first. I had to nurture myself to grow so I could nurture others to grow.
It was for me to touch my pain, sit with it, feel it unravel it, hold it, love it, understand the stories around it, so I can then contain others pain rather than try to fix and 'make things better' thinking this was a way of helping.
Looking back on all I have experienced the NOW constantly changes each happening. Unveiling a new layer to it.
When I was in denial of facing my pain and trauma this was labelled as Psychosis. For a time this label gave me insight into understanding and coming to terms with what I had been through. But now, I look back on it as a confrontation of all I had suppressed. The who I didn't know of myself.
I have made peace with myself. I wouldn't change any of what I have been through. It is part of my authenticity in 'Inspiring others'.
My path to inner peace has been through; talking therapy, art, yoga, writing, making a living from doing what I love, resting, mediation, getting angry, feeling sad, letting go, sitting in my pain, nature, movies, philosophy, psychology, hot chocolates, inner anarchy, stillness, audiobooks, listening to others.
Your life journey is your purpose. Delve into it deeply and relish all it throws up. Everything is here to help. Your story will be the tonic for another.
It starts with you.