Updated: Jul 13, 2020
Conversations with my shame healed and continues to heal my wounds within. I buried the pain of my shame.
Until I began to question? Where does our pain and shame sit within us? What if my pain filled up the sacred space of my womb? What if that is why my period (which I call my bleed and will refer to is as my bleed from here on in) are so painful because of the pain I have suppressed?
What if I hid my pain in my eggs and my children are my invitations to meet it?
For most of my life (off the pill) I experienced ‘PAINFUL PERIODS’. It was a painful bleed in November 2019 which guided me to the book, Wild Power, by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wutlitzer. It was this line which stuck with me;
'The first and last stage happens at menstruation – your inner winter – in which you ‘die’ to the self you think you are or should be, and are restored to the full grandeur of your authentic self: to a greater or lesser degree.'
On 30 December 2019 my bleed arrived for the second time that month. It was going to cross over a decade. It had to be marked. Celebrated. Recognised. I bleed every month and DO NOT DIE! It dawned on me how I had never valued this. My authentic self called me to collaborate.
The blood of war is glorified in monuments in our towns and cities. The blood of Christ is celebrated. The blood of women, the ocean of blood which is life itself, is hidden. Shamed. I knew this was an artwork, a journey of exploration of self, Motherhood and blood I had to go on.